It’s been a little while since I wrote to you on your birthday. I had a very sad few weeks but I think I am on track again now. I’m sure you know this is in your own way as I talk to you everyday. I hope my words reach you.
On the weekend of your birthday it was the London marathon, one of the biggest sporting dates on the calendar. As I watched the runners in all their varied charity vests, the training and hard work leading up to that moment for them, it got me thinking about you and my grief.
Mummy suggested I do the marathon next year and that the training would give me a focus in my grief, a purpose and a goal. What a brilliant idea I thought. Especially as the marathon will be on your birthday next year, it seems destined to be.
However, with baby brain and sleep deprivation I missed the ballot so I’m now having to apply for a charity place which, if I manage to get, I need to raise a large fixed amount for the charity (£2000!). But it’s a challenge I’m willing to take on and hopefully succeed with. To run the marathon on your birthday in your memory would be amazing and mean a great deal.
I miss you every single day, you are always on my mind. Going running has so far given me space to think of you in a purposeful way and of course has been a good source of exercise and soothes my heart and mind.
Keep your tiny fingers and toes crossed that mummy gets a place with one of the charities, all of which are relevant to the cause of running in your memory. I’m working hard on it. I have even joined a running club!
Whenever I feel tired or out of breath, I think of you and all that you will never get to see, hear, feel, experience. And I think “come on!” I got through the pain of losing you, I can get through a bit of breathlessness and tiredness.
Sending you all my love, miss you heaps,
Love from mummy xxxx