The Writing’s on the Zine

So a slightly different post from me this time. Yesterday I went to a zine fest which I have done before. I love zines. I love that you can express any emotion, experience, or piece of writing you so wish. And no one judges it. They just appreciate the love, care and passion that went into making it.
The consist of all kinds of colours, layouts and styles. All different kinds of content from 90s television to feminism to music. You name it you will find it in a zine. I met some lovely people and went home inspired. My brain has been a little slow lately on the creative writing front, so a change of tack was just what I needed. Anyone can make a zine was the message I got from the event. So I pulled out my pens and paper and started collating ideas in my note book. If I was to write about my history, about my experiences, what would I write about? How about the most emotionally and time consuming event of my life- IVF. And grief, the grief of IVF, the grief of losing Robyn, the day to day grief it leaves you with like a film over your skin.

I decided to commit to a challenge called a 24 hour zine, which means quite literally producing a zine in 24 hours. I met that challenge with 90 minutes to spare. I made a zine called “The Golden Embryo”, about going through IVF, failed cycles, how it leaves you feeling and when it does end in a positive for some. I’m quite proud of my 24 hour creation and dedicated it to Robyn. I think this just may be a new writing outlet for me.

Now just to work out how to get it out there!


The Return

I’ve been away for four months, in a mother and baby unit after I was sectioned with a relapse or bipolar and severe postnatal depression. It’s been an incredibly rough time but I’m starting to see some light.

Robyn gave us our new baby as a gift, I’ve no doubt about that. It just doesn’t take away the pain and sadness of losing him. All the things I do with Oskar I imagine I would have done with Robyn. I am still learning to live with grief. To live with the well of sadness deep inside. To breathe deep on sunny days. To stem the tears on rainy days. 

The question left now is what we do with our remaining frozen embryo. Do we try again in time or do we let it go, our last piece of Robyn?

Today we went to feed the ducks, a first for Oskar. A little robin flew down and sat on the branch to say hello.

Lots of love from mummy xxx