The Many Faces of Grief

  

I’d like my old body back. This body is a reminder, nobody knows I’ve had a baby because they can’t see him, so they just think my body is like this normally. When I look at it I know what journey it’s been on, all the work it’s had to do and what it’s accommodated, stretched, supported, nourished and grown. I get why it’s like this but it makes me sad, it wouldn’t bother me as much if I was running round after a baby.

I noted this week that for the first time in 5 months, I thought about other things- just things like what I was doing that day or the next, or about books or photography, just stuff and not all grief. Robyn is always in my thoughts, sometimes at the forefront and sometimes milling around behind the “stuff” thoughts. The experience and trauma of his loss is sometimes further back in my thoughts, like at the back of the theatre not on the main stage. I think I’ve felt like myself again some days. 

Some days I’m in that place of what’s the point/ what does it mean now/ is this it, some days there are triggers that propel me straight back to those raw early days when we lost him. And some days I look into his nursery with less sadness and more blessing that I have him as my little boy. 

That’s the many faces of grief because you don’t get over it, you just get through it. You don’t get by it because you can’t get around it, it doesn’t get better, it just gets different. Everyday grief puts on a new face. 

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3 thoughts on “The Many Faces of Grief

  1. Thank you for sharing your Heart with those of us who are outside of your world. The “Pearl” that “I” took from today’s Posting is this whole paragraph:

    “That’s the many faces of grief because you don’t get over it, you just get through it. You don’t get by it because you can’t get around it, it doesn’t get better, it just gets different. Everyday grief puts on a new face.”

    Although my wife and I are now at 231-weeks since she “crossed-over”, that paragraph reflects the nature of what we “have been through” and “still are going through”.

    I know my wife is right here with me. I feel her beside me sometimes. I’ve heard her voice. She sends me Dreams and other images but even with all this “sensory-recognition”, you are correct… you never “get over it”.

    You also wrote:

    “I noted this week that for the first time in 5 months, I thought about other things…”

    When I read that, it reminded me of the state I was in for a VERY long time, after my wife “crossed”. Many months later, I realized I was just “numb”. Going blindly through each day and dealing with “Society” whenever I was forced to. It all felt like I was the ball in a Pinball game — being thrown and bumped no matter which way I turned. I’m grateful for those who were around me at that time who simply “listened” and allowed me to “just talk”.

    We’re all doing the best we can and taking just 1-day at a time has helped me get through each one.

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  2. I know just how you feel about your body. Sometimes I want to wear a t-shirt saying “This is baby weight”! I definitely don’t think I would mind it as much if I had my baby here with me. I hate that I’m still wearing maternity jeans but I’m refusing to buy a bigger size and determined to lose this belly! Though comfort eating is not helping 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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