what a week! You have been very busy indeed helping mummy and I. I can’t believe it will be 12 weeks next week since you were born. It never gets any easier. The shock lessens but is replaced with heartbreak. The days leak a little light but it will forever be dark without you. We continue to live but life will never be what it was before. I miss you more everyday and don’t have a second where you are not in my thoughts. In fact even when I’m sleeping I dream about you. Last night I dreamt you were sitting on my knee and you had a cold, I wiped your little nose and you looked up at me with big blue eyes. It was so lovely to cuddle you.
That’s why it never gets any easier because when I wake up you’re not there and I’ll never get to wipe your nose or look into those blue eyes.
I know I asked you recently what I could do to help you feel our love and know that you are happy. I saw all of the signs you sent since I asked. The butterflies, the lights and most importantly what I found when I was putting your clothes away. It was painful to fold your tiny clothes away but then came your sign as if to say “I’m here mummy, it’s ok to do this”. I knew straight away. My heart was full of love instead of heartbreak and I could really believe you were with me. Are with me. Mummy starts her new job tomorrow, she is a bit nervous but excited too! I’ve organised my photography portfolio ready to take to the university tomorrow also. And your sister has named a star after you, she has put a map of the moon on her bedroom wall because she thinks you might visit it from time to time (she’d like to visit too I think!). She likes to see where you are and what you might be doing. She has just discovered guns & roses and we played sweet child of mine this morning while we made breakfast, I’m sure you danced too! 🙂
Thank you for looking after us, I very much hope you can feel us looking after you too. Mummy and I think that when I asked you how we could send our love, you replied by helping us find some light in the dark. We think you are saying “be happy because I am always with you so that we can live the happiness together”. Even though I still cry everyday, I promise I will try.
Miss you and love you heaps, lots of love & kisses,