Have you ever experienced the notion of being kicked while you are down?
The people across the road have had a baby. I had only briefly acknowledged that she was very obviously pregnant as when I was pregnant other pregnancies didn’t stick out so much. We had just come back from searching garden centres for something significant for when we bury Robyn this week. It all just looks the same to me.
Amidst our world being turned upside down, I had forgotten all about the people across the road. Until today. As I got out of the car I noticed the little pile of baby clothes in the front bedroom window. That flurry of disorganisation in the time stripped early days of a new baby. When things just go wherever there is space. And then I saw the midwife scurrying up the path with her overloaded bag of stuff for those early days of a new baby.
What must it be like in the house across the road? Sleep deprived and disorganised, yes. But also the wonder of a new tiny person with their new baby smell and those little snuffly sounds they make. I love those sounds. That lovely feeling in the air when a baby arrives. The sense of joy and reflection of life with it’s reminders of innocence and purity.
Having spent the last two days in my dressing gown sobbing, today was my first trip out. I came in, closed the blinds and declined to go back out today. I’ve had a good kicking.