Signs

Sinking
Sinking

Dear Robyn,

I am so sorry I have not wrote to you properly this week. Mummy and I have been finding life so hard since we lost you. I don’t like to think of you as ‘lost’. Maybe you are needed for something much more important up in the clouds.

Did you enjoy our weekend in Pembrokeshire? I hope you could see the seals on the beach from up on the costal path. I hope you liked the beaches and the woods. The sea was cold. I saw all of the signs you sent! The robin in the tree who looked back at me through the window for a while, the butterfly that followed us through the woods. When I cried on the beach I saw the lone bird that flew across the shore in front of me. I know that was you telling me not to cry. I know you don’t want us to be upset, it’s just very hard because we waited such a long time for you and were so excited about you arriving. Love is like a knot in your tummy that gets tighter the more you love someone. When we get hurt in love it can feel so painful, my heart aches so deeply that sometimes I think I’m going to die. I wish that I could do more than write to you. I wish that I could hold your hand on the beach, wipe ice cream off your nose, read you a bed time story. I still think I will get to do these things but then I realise I won’t. Not physically. We brought your teddy with us and he came everywhere we went.

It is good to be home and near to you again. Thank you for sending me the strength I asked for the other day, it was very hard to get back up again after that cry. When I was in the bathroom processing films I know that was you who knocked the film cleaner into the bath! It made me jump. Next week I will process the films from Wales and then you can help me develop some prints. Stay close by so I know where you are, lots of love, mummy xxxx

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