Written on 17th April 2015
I never knew heartbreak until now. Our beautiful baby was healthy at the 12 week scan. We heard the heartbeat. We started to think after four years of trying and 3 cycles of IVF that this was finally happening for us.
Our NHS scan wasn’t scheduled until 16 weeks and as we had already had a scan at 12 weeks, we were excited to see our baby again. I am already showing and we had bought a few little clothes just for those first few days & weeks.
At the scan they told us they couldn’t find a heartbeat. Three other people came and checked and they couldn’t either. The baby looked perfect, just curled up and peaceful. We went in with our maternity notes & some change to pay for scan photos. We left with no maternity notes and information on how they will induce labour and I will have to deliver our baby.
We are distraught. I will deliver our baby next week and find out if we have a boy or a girl. We just wanted another week with our baby. All our dreams and plans for our future together have gone.I feel like my heart has stopped beating too.
I’ve been to all my favourite parks to feed the ducks and into the Peak District to feel like we have shown our baby our favourite places and had some experiences together. I just want to keep you safe and not let go.
After next week I’ve no idea what we will do.